I am certainly wrestling with some varying emotions right now - and have been the last couple of days. I was stoked when I was having a bunch of contractions over the weekend in the evenings and some at night. The last couple days though… I've just felt kinda down, kinda crummy, and nothing that seemed like contractions - but just general discomfort (GI irregularity, that kind of thing). I have been doing some work from home, but I definitely feel the urge to hibernate and not do anything else. I know I'm supposed to be distracting myself and doing other things, but I have zero desire to clean my house, very little desire to do any work, and have barely talked myself into reading/journaling.
I'm listening to this song by "Enter the Worship Circle" called "He Will Come." I've thought several times over the last week about how in Matthew Jesus likens the signs of the Lord's coming to labor pains ("All these are but the beginning of the birth pains." Matt. 24:8). So I am stuck between these things - knowing he will come, but not knowing when. I'm sure there is something I should learn from that… I guess I'm looking around and seeing what we've done to prepare - our bags are packed and waiting at the top of the stairs, I have snacks and drinks loaded into the car, along with the car seat and stroller. But the rest of my house is pretty much in disorder. It's not perfect. It's not clean. There are tons of unfinished projects everywhere… And at the moment, I'm wondering… is now the time for me to take on these projects? Or, is this just how life is? The world keeps spinning regardless, and I should be ok with him being born in medias res?
And, I also feel alone. I want to hibernate, but I don't really want to do and be by myself. Makes me worry a little bit for when Liam is actually here, but I think I will focus on today and sort out what I need to be doing today.
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