It seems my blog posts come along when I'm working through some more serious thoughts. If you'd like to see the fun and humor in my life, check out my Facebook page which is full of all the silly antics of Jonathan, Liam, Achilles, and Penelope. Life is fun, but life is also serious. I watched a TedX talk (via Jamie the Very Worst Missionary) from a woman who has struggled extensively with addictions - she used a term to describe the composite that life is - it's beautiful, and it's brutal. So she called it, brutiful. That concept has really helped me be able to enjoy the awesome blessings I have in my life, right along side the pain and the challenges. I used to think about life as being made up of seasons - some were good (ah, that golden summer), some were hard, real hard (winter of '10). But I guess I'm figuring out that if I don't appreciate and acknowledge both the blessings and the challenges that often come all at once, I will likely (since I tend toward the serious) let the difficulties crush the joys - or, in a swing in the other direction, ignore the pains and miss what the Lord can accomplish in the challenges.
But that's not really the point of this post :). Just the backdrop.
This is the lesson I keep getting over and over again as I grapple with one particular suffering - a shared suffering (to quote a childhood sing along's version of 1 Corinthians 12:26 "when one member suffers, all the members suffer...") with a friend :
Pray and don't give up.
I'm the kind of person that likes to fix. When confronted with crisis, I take action. I learned that from my Mom :). If someone has an injury, I go right into triage - stabilize, assess, and usually call in the necessary help or take the necessary action. I figure out what needs to be done first, and then process the emotions later. This same pattern I apply to other sorts of crises also. It has been really helpful for some situations to have this kind of response. When I've been the only one to step up and call the ambulance, when you're the one (and when I say one, I don't really mean one. My Mom and Dad, and a sister will usually be in on the deal :)) who shows up at the hospital, or mental hospital, when the whole world seems to want to just ignore that something awful has just happened. I love that the Lord has given me grace to do these things and equipped me in this way.
But.
I am having to learn a new way. Sometimes there are things to be done, things to be said, meals to be made, books to be sent, thoughts to be shared... and sometimes, there is a process. And Oh, that I would learn the discipline, the every day, knowing or not knowing, rain or shine, discipline of prayer! This is what I keep hearing over and over again, every time I want to just rush in and "fix" things for the people I love who are suffering right now:
Pray, and do not give up.
"Because I love Zion, I will not keep still. Because my heart yearns for Jerusalem, I cannot remain silent. I will not stop praying for her until her righteousness shines like the dawn, and her salvation blazes like a burning torch." Isaiah 62:1
"And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up." Galatians 6:9
"So many are saying, "God will never rescue him!" But you, O Lord, are a shield around me; you are my glory, the one who holds my head high. I cried out to the Lord, and he answered me from his holy mountain." Psalm 3:2-3
"Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep praying." Romans 12:12
Psalm 33:11 "But the plans of the Lord stand firm forever the purposes of his heart through all generations."
From Psalty, the singing songbook, on what can be accomplished through faith-filled prayer:
"Mountain, you must go! Mountain, you can't stay! See what mustard seed sized faith can do when the Spirit works inside of you - and you'll grow, and you'll grow, whoa whoa whoa..."
There are a few things that we always know are in keeping with the Father's heart - and so we can pray in confidence that He is eager to act. 1. For the salvation of anyone and everyone. 1 Timothy 2:3-4 "This is good, and pleases God our Savior, who wants all people to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth." 2. For the health and Reconciliation of Marriage - Jesus himself said "and the two are united into one.' Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together." The key part of this verse for me is that the Lord is the one who joined a particular man and a woman together to be married (yes, man and woman, see vs. 6 & 7). It is His heart for marriage to succeed, to last, to be healthy... 3. For Life and Health. Exodus 15:26 - very simply put - it is the very name of God to heal our sickness and disease and give us life: "For I am the Lord who heals you."
Something the Lord has shown me recently to set aside - "if it be Your will." Where did that even come from? That is not how Jesus taught us to pray. He taught us to pray with confidence and authority - to pray for those things that we know are God's heart and say "Your will be done." The end!
I was digging around in some reading this afternoon to uncover more thoughts on divine healing (aforementioned item #3) - and came across some things that spoke to me:
"The promises of God and the revelations of his concern for man's physical needs have always far outstripped man's faith to receive them." (Foundations of Pentecostal Theology)
Which echoes a word from Andrew Murray I read the other night (from Abide in Christ):
"Oh, it is because the blessing is so great that our little hearts cannot rise to apprehend it..."
Please don't let these two quotes hang you up - the point isn't that you have to muster up a greater faith - the point is that the blessings and promises are real, and are so far greater than what we have come to expect. So, I think that's why I'm walking through these points - because I need to really know what I should be able to expect. What is the will of God and the heart of God that I can confidently call on. Stated in another way:
"It is impossible to boldly claim by faith a blessing which we are not sure God offers... faith begins where the will of God is known." (Fred Francis Bosworth)
It's not believing something that makes it true. Having faith is agreeing that something is already true.
How do we know what the true will of God is?
Scripture.
1 Corinthians 1:20 "For no matter how many promises God has made, they are "Yes" in Christ. And so through him the "Amen" is spoken by us to the glory of God."
Whatever promise you find in the Bible - every single one belongs to you. So this is how we ought to pray! Claim and speak the "Amen" - the agreement, the calling it true - regarding that particular truth or promise for your own life (and more importantly, for other people's lives!). And if you don't know what the truth is, go looking for it. God is the truth and He is not far from each one of us.
There is more to be said on this, more to learn about this - but I think now is the time to share this part, and I will continue to press in and unpack where this is going and what it means. These concepts have been completely new to me in the last year, so I am still learning! I invite you to comment as these are thoughts in progress!
Monday, November 25, 2013
Wednesday, October 09, 2013
Trip to the Park: An Endurance Event
10:00 a.m.: The time I decided Liam and I would walk down the street to the neighborhood park. I told him "clothes and shoes first, then we can go to the park!" It was quite the effort to convince him to walk upstairs so we could accomplish this mission, but after several conversations, a few trips back down the stairs, a few consequences, a few pauses to discuss where the dogs were and what they were doing, we made it up to his room.
- "Liam, it's a statue bunny."
10:30am: Liam was dressed in the perfect play outfit, complete with socks and shoes [see below]
10:40am: I shove necessary equipment (sippy cup, snack cup, water for me, park gate pass) in a bag while Liam is hanging on the door handle calling for the "ding ding" (garage door opener).
10:45am: After opening the garage door, Liam selects his ride to get to the park. He bypasses the usual toys with parent handles and the stroller and went straight for his Radio Flyer Trike. I thought to myself - this is going to take a while (30 min instead of 10 min trip each way?), but at least it'll be good exercise for him.
10:50am: We approach a house where a 3 year old girl and her mom are outside talking to a landscaper. Liam waves hi, so we stop to talk.
Liam slowly makes the progression to inviting himself over for a play date while I chat with his new friend's mom.
- goes in the garage and finds the toys
- follows the little girl in the house
- follows the dogs out into the backyard
- eureka! Playsets and rocks and tennis balls to throw to the dogs, and of course, a slightly older girl to follow around... Where were we going anyway? :)
11:30 - I decide we should not wear out our self-initiated welcome and would go on to the park (why? Why didn't I accept the gift of playtime only half way down the hill?)
Ah yes - because we had a beautiful time at the park from 11:40-12:10
Snacks upon arrival - but only after making it up onto the playset
"Swing" and "feet" (where he likes to be pulled up by his feet to get really high)
Funny :) "glunk glunk glunk"
12:15pm: Liam discovers the park fence gate is open and we quickly gather our things and head home - up hill.
- We cross both cross walks.
- Liam enjoys his trike down the tiny little
hill across the street, then quickly abandons his ride.
- we see a ghost flag by a mailbox. Interesting.
- "uh oh" someone left their newspaper in the driveway. Battle ensues when Liam tries to tote it all the way up to their house and then walk around on their porch.
- "look Liam, there is a flag ahead!"
- "look Liam, there is a bird house ahead!"
- Piggy Back? Followed by walking a few yards with him on my shoulders, while carrying the trike and our bag. "Look at mommy's headband!" Entertained for two driveways before I hear "Get down."
[wondering whether we will ever get home]
- "Look, Liam!"
- "Liam, do you see the bunny ahead?"
"Bunny. Bunny. Bunny. Cracker?"
"No, he's not real, he doesn't need a cracker."
"Real."
"He's not real he's a statue bunny."
"Statue. Bee!"
"Let's go, Liam."
- "Liam, do you see the buckets?"
"Oh. There are rocks in those buckets"
-"Ok, Liam, almost back!" (Carrying trike, bag, and rocks)
- Really?
1:00pm: Finally. Close enough to entice him with opening the garage door for me.
And then he pulls out more of his toys.
The longest .5 mile round trip... Whew!
Thursday, August 29, 2013
Anger & Righteousness
Just praying through some issues right now and landed on something sweet from the Lord. There are a variety of things that I observe or encounter that just make me angry. Whether it be the sad reality of abortion in the United States, race relations, sexual degradation in mainstream pop culture - or more on the ground things in my own personal relationships - addictions, dysfunction, selfishness, insecurity; let's sum it all up in a word - Sin. Sin makes me angry and I know it makes a lot of people angry, even if you don't use the religiously charged word "sin." I see outrage in my newsfeed every single day. Outrage over all kinds of injustices and wrongs. And as I was praying through a few specific issues that have caused me to be outraged, angry... and unfortunately, hard and embittered as a result (because what then follows when our outrage is left unanswered? How many times does that emotion well up, and the circumstances and conditions stay the same, before we become callous?) - as I was praying - the word of the Lord spoke softly in my rage -
"for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God" James 1:20
It really says it all there. But I had to go hunting some more. Because I said to myself - What then produces righteousness? What can I do? What can I pray for? What characteristics need to be in my life (or someone else's) to produce this righteousness we all fundamentally long for?
ha. :). Will I ever learn? What the Lord was already speaking to me as I began to pray today... a lesson He has been pleading with my heart to accept for my whole life - spoken through Paul to the Philippians (1:6, 9-11):
"And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ..."
Did you get that, dear soul? He began the work. You did not. He will bring it to completion. Not you, my dear.
"...And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, so that you may be approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God."
ha! Righteousness that comes *through Jesus Christ* - not through my anger, outrage, conviction, self-discipline, or repentance, even - but *through Jesus Christ*
and not only that - but what's it all for? The glory and praise of God!
The message here echoes in a song that's been reverberating in my head/voice/community for the last couple of weeks:
You are worthy of it all
You are worthy of it all
For from you are all things
And to you are all things
You deserve the glory
So stand back, self! Lay down your weaponry of anger and arguments, and just start welcoming His kingdom and His righteousness. Self, start proclaiming His Truth to your own heart, over your people, your relationships, the injustices that pain you. He put all those things in your life to begin with and has a plan of righteousness and redemption far beyond your imagination, which feebly stretches to hope for "justice." Will you be a herald of the truth - of the victory - or will you wallow in the pain and lay down in defeat, saying this is the way things are?
For they are not!
And he who was seated on the throne said, "Behold, I am making all things new." Also he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true."
And he said to me, "It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give from the spring of the water of life without payment."
Revelation 21:3-6
"for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God" James 1:20
It really says it all there. But I had to go hunting some more. Because I said to myself - What then produces righteousness? What can I do? What can I pray for? What characteristics need to be in my life (or someone else's) to produce this righteousness we all fundamentally long for?
ha. :). Will I ever learn? What the Lord was already speaking to me as I began to pray today... a lesson He has been pleading with my heart to accept for my whole life - spoken through Paul to the Philippians (1:6, 9-11):
"And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ..."
Did you get that, dear soul? He began the work. You did not. He will bring it to completion. Not you, my dear.
"...And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, so that you may be approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God."
ha! Righteousness that comes *through Jesus Christ* - not through my anger, outrage, conviction, self-discipline, or repentance, even - but *through Jesus Christ*
and not only that - but what's it all for? The glory and praise of God!
The message here echoes in a song that's been reverberating in my head/voice/community for the last couple of weeks:
You are worthy of it all
You are worthy of it all
For from you are all things
And to you are all things
You deserve the glory
So stand back, self! Lay down your weaponry of anger and arguments, and just start welcoming His kingdom and His righteousness. Self, start proclaiming His Truth to your own heart, over your people, your relationships, the injustices that pain you. He put all those things in your life to begin with and has a plan of righteousness and redemption far beyond your imagination, which feebly stretches to hope for "justice." Will you be a herald of the truth - of the victory - or will you wallow in the pain and lay down in defeat, saying this is the way things are?
For they are not!
And he who was seated on the throne said, "Behold, I am making all things new." Also he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true."
And he said to me, "It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give from the spring of the water of life without payment."
Revelation 21:3-6
Sunday, January 27, 2013
life and death
I am undone.
This week has been... weighty, overwhelming. It's come on the heels of me being sick, followed by my dear Liam being sick (completely separate illnesses, both of unknown origins, to a house full of handwashing fiends. What. in. the. world.). While our illnesses were mild in the scheme of things, it has definitely been a time for Jonathan and I to be more - I want to say introspective, but that's not it at all - humble, I guess. It's really been a time for us to search out the heart of God and try to get His vision for our lives. Yet, while we've had a lot going on in our own family, I've been confronted with some really difficult things in my community. And all together it makes for some really challenging sorting.
Tuesday was the 40th anniversary of the Roe v. Wade decision. What can I even say. How do you go about mourning the loss of somewhere around 55 million babies? Now that I have had an ultrasound, seen how my son's life began even before I could see two pink lines - it's not merely a social issue or a principle anymore. It's mothers who have lost their babies. And this is too much for me. John Piper articulated this so well, so tragically in his blog post, We Know They are Killing Children - All of Us Know. This has been a development in the abortion debate that has snuck up on me - that there is no longer a debate. We all know that abortion is killing children.
And then I go from trying to get my head around how we as a society have justified legislation that has precipitated this unspeakable slaughter [I wanted to say "loss" but it is so much more active than that...] to praying for a dear friend of mine who on that same Tuesday completed 33 weeks of pregnancy with twin girls. Not just any twin girls, but twins that we've prayed for since... gracious, since before they had a big sister. We've prayed with this friend through years of fertility treatments, which came with disappointments, heartaches, and loss. Yet, I will never forget sitting with my friend while she was starting labor with her first, having prayed through weeks of bleeding for her to make it to viability. I will never forget praying with my mom and her boldly asking our Father for full term. I will never forget holding that baby girl for the first time - who was born 3 days AFTER her due date. So, I'm praying with now her that the Lord would sustain her and give her strength and bless the arrival of her two little girls. It is a privilege to hold her up in prayer and to boldly go before the throne of grace on her behalf.
Every night while I am feeding Liam his dinner, he has a view of our refrigerator. On it are the birth announcements of precious babies - babies whose mamas I got to share pregnancy with. The Lord gave me the huge blessing of sharing the time I was pregnant with my dearest friends, who had babies all around the time that I had Liam. While this brings me great joy even now (What a treasure to have a group of moms with which I can share notes, challenges, and joys!), I am also reminded that this was an answer to a prayer of desperation and pain. I found out I was pregnant just days after one and 2 months before another close woman in my life. I was beyond excited to be sharing nearly the same due date, and looked forward to years ahead with our babies being almost the same age. Our children would play together and know each other... and then both of these dear, strong women went through the trauma of miscarriage. I mourned along with them, the loss of their babies and my loss of that fellowship with them. I felt so alone. The Lord had mercy on me and heard my (selfish) prayer - He eased my fears of losing my own and allowed me to not walk through pregnancy alone. Yet, I am still praying for the Lord to bring about the healing and redemption. Still asking for a baby for a dear woman who I know wants to be a mama.
I've been praying now for several weeks for a family I barely know. My sister went to high school with the daddy of a baby girl who was born with HLH. She battled through chemotherapy and other preparation for a bone marrow transplant - and then she went to be with Jesus Friday night at 5 months old. Unspeakable. As I was praying for Izzy a couple days ago and she was on my mind, I read Liam the story of Jairus' daughter from the Jesus Storybook Bible. Makes me cry every time I read it:
Jesus walked into the little girl's bedroom. And there, lying in the corner, in the shadows, was the still little figure. Jesus sat on the bed and took her pale hand.
"Honey," he said, "it's time to get up." And he reached down into death and gently brought the little girl back to life.
The little girl woke up, rubbed her eyes as if she'd just had a good night's sleep, and leapt out of bed.
Jesus threw open the shutters and sunlight flooded the dark room. "Hungry?" Jesus asked. She nodded.
Jesus called to her family, "Bring this little girl some breakfast!"
Jesus helped and healed many people, like this. He made blind people see. He made deaf people hear. He made lame people walk.
Jesus was making the sad things come untrue.
He was mending God's broken world."
How I long for Jesus to come and once and for all make all "the sad things come untrue."
There isn't any great truth or point that I'm trying to make. I think I'm simply mourning, grieving - longing. My joy over my many great blessings is mixed with pain. I think of so many others outside of this week I have mourned over - Crosby, John Michael, Brant - "untimely" deaths.
And then I remember a comforting word that came to me in a dream - What is death anyway?
"Behold! I tell you a mystery. We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed, in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, and the dead will be raised imperishable, and we shall be changed. For this perishable body must put on the imperishable, and this mortal body must put on immortality. When the perishable puts on the imperishable, and the mortal puts on immortality, then shall come to pass the saying that is written: "Death is swallowed up in victory." "O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?" The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.
1 Corinthians 15:51-57
Then he placed his right hand on me and said: “Do not be afraid. I am the First and the Last. I am the Living One; I was dead, and now look, I am alive for ever and ever! And I hold the keys of death and Hades."
Revelation 1:17-18
And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”
Revelation 21:3-5
This week has been... weighty, overwhelming. It's come on the heels of me being sick, followed by my dear Liam being sick (completely separate illnesses, both of unknown origins, to a house full of handwashing fiends. What. in. the. world.). While our illnesses were mild in the scheme of things, it has definitely been a time for Jonathan and I to be more - I want to say introspective, but that's not it at all - humble, I guess. It's really been a time for us to search out the heart of God and try to get His vision for our lives. Yet, while we've had a lot going on in our own family, I've been confronted with some really difficult things in my community. And all together it makes for some really challenging sorting.
Tuesday was the 40th anniversary of the Roe v. Wade decision. What can I even say. How do you go about mourning the loss of somewhere around 55 million babies? Now that I have had an ultrasound, seen how my son's life began even before I could see two pink lines - it's not merely a social issue or a principle anymore. It's mothers who have lost their babies. And this is too much for me. John Piper articulated this so well, so tragically in his blog post, We Know They are Killing Children - All of Us Know. This has been a development in the abortion debate that has snuck up on me - that there is no longer a debate. We all know that abortion is killing children.
And then I go from trying to get my head around how we as a society have justified legislation that has precipitated this unspeakable slaughter [I wanted to say "loss" but it is so much more active than that...] to praying for a dear friend of mine who on that same Tuesday completed 33 weeks of pregnancy with twin girls. Not just any twin girls, but twins that we've prayed for since... gracious, since before they had a big sister. We've prayed with this friend through years of fertility treatments, which came with disappointments, heartaches, and loss. Yet, I will never forget sitting with my friend while she was starting labor with her first, having prayed through weeks of bleeding for her to make it to viability. I will never forget praying with my mom and her boldly asking our Father for full term. I will never forget holding that baby girl for the first time - who was born 3 days AFTER her due date. So, I'm praying with now her that the Lord would sustain her and give her strength and bless the arrival of her two little girls. It is a privilege to hold her up in prayer and to boldly go before the throne of grace on her behalf.
Every night while I am feeding Liam his dinner, he has a view of our refrigerator. On it are the birth announcements of precious babies - babies whose mamas I got to share pregnancy with. The Lord gave me the huge blessing of sharing the time I was pregnant with my dearest friends, who had babies all around the time that I had Liam. While this brings me great joy even now (What a treasure to have a group of moms with which I can share notes, challenges, and joys!), I am also reminded that this was an answer to a prayer of desperation and pain. I found out I was pregnant just days after one and 2 months before another close woman in my life. I was beyond excited to be sharing nearly the same due date, and looked forward to years ahead with our babies being almost the same age. Our children would play together and know each other... and then both of these dear, strong women went through the trauma of miscarriage. I mourned along with them, the loss of their babies and my loss of that fellowship with them. I felt so alone. The Lord had mercy on me and heard my (selfish) prayer - He eased my fears of losing my own and allowed me to not walk through pregnancy alone. Yet, I am still praying for the Lord to bring about the healing and redemption. Still asking for a baby for a dear woman who I know wants to be a mama.
I've been praying now for several weeks for a family I barely know. My sister went to high school with the daddy of a baby girl who was born with HLH. She battled through chemotherapy and other preparation for a bone marrow transplant - and then she went to be with Jesus Friday night at 5 months old. Unspeakable. As I was praying for Izzy a couple days ago and she was on my mind, I read Liam the story of Jairus' daughter from the Jesus Storybook Bible. Makes me cry every time I read it:
Jesus walked into the little girl's bedroom. And there, lying in the corner, in the shadows, was the still little figure. Jesus sat on the bed and took her pale hand.
"Honey," he said, "it's time to get up." And he reached down into death and gently brought the little girl back to life.
The little girl woke up, rubbed her eyes as if she'd just had a good night's sleep, and leapt out of bed.
Jesus threw open the shutters and sunlight flooded the dark room. "Hungry?" Jesus asked. She nodded.
Jesus called to her family, "Bring this little girl some breakfast!"
Jesus helped and healed many people, like this. He made blind people see. He made deaf people hear. He made lame people walk.
Jesus was making the sad things come untrue.
He was mending God's broken world."
How I long for Jesus to come and once and for all make all "the sad things come untrue."
There isn't any great truth or point that I'm trying to make. I think I'm simply mourning, grieving - longing. My joy over my many great blessings is mixed with pain. I think of so many others outside of this week I have mourned over - Crosby, John Michael, Brant - "untimely" deaths.
And then I remember a comforting word that came to me in a dream - What is death anyway?
"Behold! I tell you a mystery. We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed, in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, and the dead will be raised imperishable, and we shall be changed. For this perishable body must put on the imperishable, and this mortal body must put on immortality. When the perishable puts on the imperishable, and the mortal puts on immortality, then shall come to pass the saying that is written: "Death is swallowed up in victory." "O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?" The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.
1 Corinthians 15:51-57
Then he placed his right hand on me and said: “Do not be afraid. I am the First and the Last. I am the Living One; I was dead, and now look, I am alive for ever and ever! And I hold the keys of death and Hades."
Revelation 1:17-18
And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”
Revelation 21:3-5
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